May 22 cont...
I came out and went to the shop where all the excitement of my first day, with people all around me, buying me things, giving me settai and advice had been only three weeks ago. It was like being back at a fairground on a Monday morning. It was quiet and empty and the lady only recognized me when I showed her the bag O’Sha San had signed.
As I looked around the store, there were scrolls everywhere, some with frames, and all cheaper than the one I had bought. How could I have missed them? I felt so naïve and deflated. I couldn’t function again.
I had to go and sit down for a while.
I texted my frustrations to GLM…
Hi Sweetheart – I’m at T1 but I just don’t think I can go through it all again. I’m so over it! But it doesn’t feel complete either. I feel bitterness – not good…
It probably wasn’t fair on her but I needed to vent.
I felt really stale and I knew I was lacking the bright eyed excitement that opened the Helpful Doors last time.
But I also kept getting that saying in my head again – I’m not even giving Shikoku a chance to weave its Magic’.
I also said to myself – how will I feel if I don’t carry on?
In two days time, when I’m not so tired (and premenstrual!) and the pilgrimage has a fond reminiscence about it rather that the bitter perpetuality it felt like today - How would I feel if I was in Osaka or Tokyo with my incomplete scroll?
I decided that it was only 10 in the morning, I had nothing else to do, it was sunny and the next Temple was only 10 minutes walk so I may as well get to it.
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