Inheriting the Matrix - T1

May 3 (15kms)

It felt a little weird sitting in the exquisite restaurant having a continental breakfast among highly coiffured business people, in my tramping clothes and shoes, attempting to show that, yes, I had experience with more than a billy can and camping cutlery. Even if I had pulled it off, I ruined it when I notsocovertly smuggled 5 butters, a bun and a banana from the buffet table for lunch.

I dropped the spare bag off at reception and jauntily walked the one block to the train station. My previous days confidence was temporarily challenged because there wasn't a word of English on the train map and I was back to charades to get my ticket.

I got to the platform and wasted no time introducing myself to a waiting Henro (whom I later nicknamed The Laughing Henro) who took me under his soontobe sweaty armpit. On the train we met another Henro and the three of us got off the train and strolled the three blocks to Temple One. They talked in blokey Japanese and I nodded and laughed when they did, not being able to understand a word but feeling like a Fellow Henro in the Elite Henro Squad starting out on the Epic Henro Adventure into the fierce and unknown wilderness where no Henro had been beforzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzip - Oh! We're here already?!

I could only assume the Laughing Henro had been given special instructions by Kukai himself, because he excitedly dragged me around the Temple One shop, thrusting Henro Garb into my hands like a frustrated housewife on sale day in Kirkaldies and Stains with her neighbour. The only neighbour in the street with a Gold Credit Card!

With my limited funds, however, I had resigned myself to only getting a sash to wear around my neck. Of course that would NEVER DO! My Laughing Henro indicated I HAD TO HAVE a name slip book, and I REALLY NEEDED the hat and climbing mountains would be IMPOSSIBLE without the stick. I managed to ward off the stick but could see the sense in the hat (no hair - walking miles in sun and rain - previous experience with Sunstroke) and it didn't seem a big deal to indulge him with the name slip book because it didn't cost much.

I still had my backpack on and, even though the contents had halved, it was still the size of a road train. The nervous tic the saleswoman developed in the short time we were there was enough for me to pay quickly and back it outside before I could damage anything.

The rumour that a rookie Gaijin Henro was in the hood spread quickly and before I could take my pack off or arrange my new acquisitions, we had a posse around us all talking at once to my Henro.

After grave discussions, my Henro, speaking on behalf of everyone, earnestly told me 'You need the stick!'. Everyone was nodding at me with the disturbing intensity of Dawn of the Dead Zombies so, in an effort to lighten the mood I said jokingly "Alright, alright - I'm going to get the stick!"

While I was inside he must have told our new friends I was about to starve and I unknowlingly confirmed this news when I came back out, juggling the stick while showing them my empty purse, because suddenly they were all thrusting money and other settai into my already overflowing arms.

An older woman, who looked like a hard core biker chick (but instead of black leather ridgies, she was wearing white Henro clothes) sidled up to me. With bandana headband keeping her short gray hair off her face, one eye squinting so the smoke from the cigarette she had in her mouth didn't get in it, she fished out a ￥1000 note and handed it to me, saying multisylabically in her gravelly voice '...settai' and sauntered off again before I could thank her.

During this brief exchange, two monks - A blue one and a brown one - were talking in a huddle with my Henro and the shop staff. I was a bit nervous they might be discussing how much I would be worth on the Gaijin slave market, but the blue monk broke away and suddenly grabbed a bag off the shelf with the Henro symbols on it, thrust it toward me saying urgently and nodding for emphasis 'Settai! Settai!'

By now I was completely overwhelmed and burst into tears.

I had read tales about how generous the inhabitants of Shikoku were toward Henro, but these people were assuming I was legitimate, and were treating me as if I were a visiting deity. How could I tell them that they were wasting their Yen, that I probably wouldn't make it to the next set of traffic lights.

The blue monk, ignoring my outburst, had a thought then said something that set everyone in a flurry of activity. The now-not-so-nervous shop woman finally handed him a black marker pen. The blue monk took the bag back off me and wrote something on it. In the unison of spectators at a tennis match, everyone looked at what he had written, looked at him like he was the incarnation of the Daishi himself then looked at me as if I he had just bestowed me with the key to the the Matrix.

Now I was getting really nervous. 
Not because I didn't think I could handle the Matrix but because all I had in my repertoire to show my appreciation was 'arigato' and I could see that wasn't going to cut it this time.  
It seemed the combination of clutching my new bag to my chest, bowing as low as my centre of gravity would allow me while sniveling arigato seven times in quick succession, was deemed an honest enough attempt because with a satisfied look on his face, the blue monk retreated with the brown monk following him, and everyone started breathing again.

Henro Couture...

As mysteriously as they had all appeared, our new friends suddenly vanished and I was left with my Henro who led me to a nearby cafe. He was shaking his head as he lit his cigarette. I watched carefully out of the corner of my eye as I was rearranging everything to monitor whether it was with disappointment (at how I handled myself) or wonder (that these people were naive enough to take me seriously).

He then told me that the blue monk was a temple master called Yamamoto San and that what he had written on the bag was the name of his temple and his phone number. He then said that Yamamoto San insisted that when I got to Temple 26, I was to call him and he would pick me up so I could stay with him.
He said to me over and over 'You very lucky! He is temple MASTER!'.

After repeating it a few more times, and only once he was satisfied I understood the significance of everything that had taken place, he asked me how far I was going. I said 'Hachi Ju Hachi Ban' - Temple 88. He asked me if I had my map with me. I said I didn't have any maps. This is when he got his nickname - he started laughing and shaking his head again as if to say 'You really have no clue do you!!' He then took out two map books and some smaller maps and said 'Settai' as if he was giving me water wings so his conscience could let him sleep that night.

The Laughing Henro and other Henro who led me to Temple 1

Unable to keep this Startling Story of Stupidity to himself, he then went on to tell it to the cafe guy, shaking his head and pointing at me. Then they both laughed at me. I could tell they didn't think I had a hope in Jigoku of reaching Hachi Ju Hachi Ban. I didn't think I did either so I laughed with them...

NOOOOOO!!!

TEXT...Nic McGowan to EL:

I hear the force is strong with you... 

(typo - he clearly meant farce)